May, Year 20, Current Status:

So I got off work early, we didn't drive today, just did some mechanic work... came home, showered, and as I started to get dressed pulled on my headphones and flipped on a song I had but hadn't listened to, called Sharp Dressed Man by ZZ Top. I tell you what, any guy who has ever dressed up for anything in his entire life, be it any sort of social event, should be listening to that song as he got ready, that'll get you jacked up about whatever it is your about to do.

I have to drive tomorrow again, I want to do something tonight to relax before tomorrow, but there isn't anything, I don't like going to movies or watching TV because your time just disappears into the abyss that is the right side of your brain when you do that. If the only way to slow down time is to stare at the clock so be it, but I want it to slow down.

It's a strange thing waiting on a paycheck, I have MADE a lot of money, I don't have any of it yet, but I guess that helps keep me from spending.

Other than that, I need to go shave and comb my hair a load of other stuff.

Later...

Frustration

Do you even know the meaning of true frustration? Frustration is knowing that the car you've always wanted is 10 miles away and not being able to do anything about it because you've been an idiot in the past...

Frustration is being 600 miles from the person you love more than anything because you are too much of a pansy to get a job back there...

Frustration is the definition of my life, when you have a comparable situation let me know... (Andy you need not apply, it's like the episode of Seinfeld where the survivor of the Titanic is crying because George told his life life story, that's like your frustrations compared to mine)

Putting the me back in Country...

I'm 2 decades old. I'm in my 20's now. Is it weird to feel nostalgic for a time period when I wasn't even born? Homesick for a place I've never been? I feel like a farm kid. I've spent days picking rock, I've spent most of my childhood around tractors and farm implements... my mom's family are cowboys, but I'm not them... I'm a Paulin. Paulin's are farmers. We are hardworking and blue-collar... have you ever felt that by getting an education you are betraying your family's history... the way your family is. We are a content people, we belong with other blue-collar people... down-to-Earth working people, not scholars... It's great that my grandparents and my parents want more for me, but that's not where my heart pulls. I dream of fields of hay, corn, grain... fields green as far as the eye can see, so far that the waving ocean of green meets the blue, white clouded sky.

I am a driver. My grandfather was a driver, he drove old Mercury's, he drove milk trucks, he was a tank driver in the Korean War, my father drove muscle-cars, hopped up trucks, silage trucks, and I feel a pull to cars, they speak to me... it's like a religious feeling. The closest I feel to God is driving down a road or being in the country. It's because I know I'm as close to heaven as I'll be on Earth.

The beliefs are stronger here. The people are better. I belong here, I understand this place. Portland, coffee other than black with cream and sugar, even the small import cars I'm fond of, feel totally out of place with me sometimes...

I've been wearing a John Deere hat constantly for the last week... And I find myself singing "Small Town" in my head while I drive...

"Well I was born in a small town
And I live in a small town
Probly die in a small town
Oh, those small communities

All my friends are so small town
My parents live in the same small town
My job is so small town
Provides little opportunity

Educated in a small town
Taught the fear of jesus in a small town
Used to daydream in that small town
Another boring romantic thats me

But Ive seen it all in a small town
Had myself a ball in a small town
Married an LA doll and brought her to this small town
Now shes small town just like me

No I cannot forget where it is that I come from
I cannot forget the people who love me
Yeah, I can be myself here in this small town
And people let me be just what I want to be

Got nothing against a big town
Still hayseed enough to say
Look whos in the big town
But my bed is in a small town
Oh, and thats good enough for me

Well I was born in a small town
And I can breathe in a small town
Gonna die in this small town
And thats probly where theyll bury me"

That's all, Happy Birthday to me...

Back in Idaho Part 2.86

So I am working again, and it's hot outside and I'm tired.

But I worked all day and I made money and now I'm tired and showered and feeling like relaxing for a few hours, I was thinking about going into town and buying something to make for dinner, but thought better of it, I'm too tired, I'm just going to laze around for a bit and then start getting ready for bed.

And that's the end of Day 1.

I worked, drove home, showered, and now I have 6 hours until I have to sleep again.

Talk to you later, have a good evening.