Friday, September 09, 2005

Longing for a life I had, I lost, and that I'm likely to never have again...

So what can I say about Fox... it blows. Hard classes, bad food, bad mealtimes, annoying music-oriented floormates, Halo addicts, and then the mix match of things that I loathe.

Do I want to stay, yes and no. I want to leave pretty bad, but I'm compelled to stay. If I was to leave now I would have constant memory of my new family, Vlad from the Ukraine, Eric, the Dans, Joe, Bohl, Joel, Haskell, James, Little John and Josh (The Odor), Brian, Zebulun the Rocket, George Fox, Casey and Brandon, Bo and Luke, Chris, Sang, Nick, Tony, Alex the Halfrican, and Felix.

But I want to leave to return to the easy-going hardcore rural life I had. Back to Maves and the Roaches and fast cars. Back to high-speed internet and no crappy garage band or christian music. Back to my comfort zone. When people say you don't realize what you have until its gone... that isn't necessarily true, I knew what I had I just wanted to see if there was more.

Things that you forget to do screw you over and then haunt you for the semester.

People keep asking me why I came, why did I choose Fox? Because at the time of submission Maves was still here, and then after that I was too lazy to change. Too much hassle. My dreams are those of a small town person... the ones that pale in comparison to their more complex urban brethren.

2 Weeks are gone... 2 Weeks that can't be taken back or changed. The only thought I have is that in 4 years I'm gonna look back on this like a dream, yesterday time moved so slow from class to class, but today yesterday feels like nothing more than a dream, time isn't really a tangible thing, because time felt slow when we were 15 and now 15 feels like a short short collection of dreams. So basically I could wake up now and be 10 years down the road, in a minute what I just did a minute before will be nothing more than a dream.

When I would sit in the cab of my semi, half an hour in I would say this whole thing will be nothing more than a dream in 10 hours, and it was... so this is how I am going to live the next year.

2 comments:

simplyhaskell said...

sorry the adjustment is hard, buddy. but i'm glad you're here. really.

SlowTEC said...

It isn't the adjustment, adjusting is simple. You simply move in and accept everything around you. Because you can't retain any former habits in a new place. It's basically that I could be completely wasting my life here for reasons that shouldn't be.