4 Finals, 2 Papers, a Log, and a Blog - Sorting Out Priorities

I have two papers I still haven't gotten around to writing. One is due tomorrow and the other Friday. I know that I need to do it but I can't gather the amount of responsiblity or drive to start either one. So as all great papers before it, it will begin at midnight and run long into the morning. After all, literary genius cannot be planned.

So...

When asked to describe myself, how high school was, or how my life as been it always sounds like a sob story. I don't mean for it to happen, but it seems that the bad things seem to overshadow the good when they shouldn't, my life has been way happier than I make it out, bumpy but awesome.

And honestly, for the rest of my time knowing you I'll feel really guilty about complaining about my life problems to you for hours at a time. And even if you claim that you didn't mind or it was okay, I don't know if I'd ever be comfortable around you again. That is one of the reasons I don't talk to people. I know I either won't say what I want to say, I'll be misunderstood, or I'll say something so blatantly retarded that they you won't want to speak to me again.

Honestly, after talking to someone about myself, something I've done rarely and extremely carefully, I usually feed them a load of complete bullshit and then avoid them for a while, mainly because I feel so bad about it.
The difference is, in the last couple days I've been honest and now I feel so awkward because for once in as long as I can remember that person could insult me and have it actually hurt. I haven't had an actual self-esteem lowering insult since probably 8th grade. Because you learn to keep your head down and not let anyone know anything about you, it gets hard to bash someone you know nothing about.

I've prayed more this week than I have the entire 3 months of being here.

I've felt really self-conscious lately... more than usual. And I even had an axiety attack last night, that's the first time in a couple years. Yippee.

Besides those thoughts, this has been the happiest week I've had since being at Fox.