Driving so fast the world is starting to blur, so late that there isn't a single pair of headlights in sight, music so loud that you're incapable of thought, the feel of the steering wheel getting more loose as you accelerate, the joy of realizing the pedal isn't to the floor yet, the tightness of your grip on the shift knob, your head glued to the headrest, the radar detector blaring, the fear of police....
perfect euphoric bliss
the ignition is like birth, acceleration like coming up for air.
I want to share it with you... with all of you... to have you see and feel what I do, that is when you would understand me.
Going 110 down the freeway at 3 in the morning, losing traction as you hit patches of black ice... at the time you are filled with this urge to go faster and faster, you feel invincible at that speed... but looking back... a time when I wasn't anything like I am now... I shudder and think what might have happened... crash... death... hell.
But I made it through, I survived my early teens, I have changed, adapted to new surroundings and social structure as best as I know how... but the old me is still there, with all the anger and rage that he had when I left him behind. And everytime I get angry he takes control, refusing to listen to reason and refusing to accept help from anyone. Like a blind rattler... he just strikes at anything, no warning, just action.
The longer I'm in this place the quicker the rage is at assuming control...
SlowTEC saved me from the rage. I miss him. Every road here holds a memory of an ignorant high schooler, red-limiting his red Honda, the V-TEC screaming as he drove faster. That was me.
Now its over.
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2 comments:
you are a new creation, the old has gone, the new has come.
Bradley I miss you buddy! You should come over and watch a western with me before school starts again. Also we need to discuss next semesters schedule. Love you bro, be blessed, looking forward to seeing you again.
-ivanovich
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