Last Leg of the Race...

So... what I was thinking...

actually not about cars this time, so I guess that'll be a little change of pace, a little excitement and all that.

I saw Miami Vice today, no real point to that movie... I mean there's not really much resolution and it starts in a random place and ends in a random place, but it's pretty rad from the beginning to the end.

I've also had a good bit of Helium run through my lungs these last few minutes, but I got Sarah to laugh, and at the end of the day it's all worth it to hear that.

Okay sorry, so a small aside about cars, Hooray for the Integra, boo for all the slow pedestrians walking in the middle of my lane that don't glance back until I go by them wrapped up to 7,000 RPM... Nicklaus, you would have been proud of me.

Tuesday I hop on a plane for Fresno, CA, which reminds me that I need to print out that frickin ticket. And then it's 7 days of 110+ degree glory with Nicklaus, Andy, and the Lima Bean Rocket. And come next Friday... Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby.

However, at the moment my mind is rampant, no that would imply spontanaeity and that is usually entertaining, my mind is ruled by boredom (see ruled sounds more orderly, and organization=boredom)

So I have a week in California, then a week of work, and then I take that paycheck and make a frickin mad dash for Portland, I can make it in 7 hours if I drive 10 over and only stop for that one gas-up in La Grande.

But Fox will be empty this year, we lost so many good men... Sang Wook Choi, The Black Kid, Firecrotch, S-double 'A'-vedra... Alex, Eric, and Beth were good friends, and Fox isn't going to be the same without them... but I know that someday I'll listen to the radio and hear Eric's voice coming through and then I'll be like, "I knew that guy once" and than I'll be like"Eric, give me free tickets and t-shirts and tell everyone that we're friends" and he'll say some smart-ass remark and then I'll have to stalk and beat him with a rubber hose. (True story Eric, if you're reading this) And my black kid is leaving, but at least I'll be able to say what I've always yearned to say, "I'm not racist, my roommate in college was black" giving me instant immunity. And Sang, well I hope someday I'll get to see him in his uniform. And then Beth, well actually I guess it's okay if I never saw Beth again... always trying to analyze me and get inside my head and "Get to know Bradley" Dear Lord that was creepy, hahaha.

Completely off on another tangent: I was driving home from work and I passed a stop sign way out in the country, 5 miles west of Jerome, honestly the last mile road before the countryside turns to desert, and someone had spray-painted "W-A-R" on the sign so it read "STOP WAR," and I was thinking, what stupid inconsiderate prick would do that? Our country has no patriotism anymore... too many different peoples have grouped in the US of A and they still cling to the beliefs they had before the came to this country. And you know what? That's okay, heritage is a great thing, not much understood by me because I don't care about race, I care about my name, because my name is my heritage, my pride. But at some point our nation lost our patriotism, because they became political, they lost trust in our government, they sat up one morning, and thought, "I could do it better." And from then on, nothing but criticism.

I'm not saying I'm not critical, because I am, I like to see rational excuses and logical plans and evidences as much as the next guy, but no matter how bad it gets, I've read the history books, I've watched the news, and it is not fair that those soldiers get a cold reception when they come home. It is not the soldier's fault what happens, they are trying as best as they can with the orders they are given. Those guys are putting their lives in danger, and if we don't care, than they start wondering why should they even try? Nobody cares about them, in fact people are even against them. My great-uncle was a Medic in Vietnam, he saw some messed up stuff, but he saved lives, he put his life at risk to protect others, to help others, he was a hero, and he deserved nothing less than a hero's welcome home, as they all did. And where some didn't, I believe that is one of the biggest injustices... I don't know... seeing anti-War protests, demonstrators, and propaganda, it just burns me up inside, I feel let down, I love this nation.

My ancestor came here with the hopes that his family would have a better life, and I believe he gave me that. There are few days when I don't miss my grandfather, how tall that man was, in height and character, and I remember that with one less Paulin on this beautiful Earth, I'm just going to have to dig in with both hands and work for both of us. He gave me a strong back so I could deal with life's larger burdens. And someday it's going to come time to see how much I can really take, how much I can lift without falling, and I pray to God that when it comes I'm strong enough that my Grandpa watching down doesn't see my steps falter.

I was born blue collar, and when I die, I hope I leave this pride and this strength in some strong sons and beautiful daughters.

And that's where I'll stop.

Time for a Summer Reflection I Suppose:

So I move along in phases as most people who know me realize. I'll be big into computers, then games, then cars, then movies, then computers, then games, and so on and so on.

And right now is definitely not a computer phase, or a gaming phase (since I've only played about 1/2 hour of battlefront 2 since getting home). I read mostly I guess, watch a little TV, usually the Speed Channel or TLC when they have Overhaulin' or some such. I don't know it's just in my blood my Dad is into cars, but never really had the time or the money (as he was having to afford 3 children), and my brother is into cars (though in the older spectrum: American Muscle and Hot Rods), and even my sister is into cars, not that she likes to mechanic them or really work on them too much (though she enjoys tinkering with them now and again), and me well I like the newer ones... well newer than the 70's anyways.

And this age is hard for me, I'm not in an age where I have anywhere near the amount of time or money or experience to deal with cars as I've mentioned in blogs past, so I kind of watch with a tormented expression as I see good deal after good deal sweep past that long road of Life. There's so many cars I'd like to have, but it isn't the right time, if I had the car it would sit under a tarp behind my parents place, because there are other things I have to spend my money on: school, keeping fuel in my Integra, being able to visit Portland to visit Sarah and my other friends. Me owning another car would be an insult to that car, because there is no way my brother or my dad would go out there and waste time with my little sub-200 hp 4-banger, not when they have The Bird or Sheilah sitting around haha.

I have the money right now that I could get the B18C engine swap for NoTEC, or I could get a turbo and intercooler for the current B18B, or I could get a new exhaust system and a new intake, or I could just buy a 240SX in really good condition and leave it under a tarp at home, or find a nice CRX and leave that under the tarp. I have the money for the first step, but what's the point in taking that step when I can't progress for another 3 or 4 years?

My Integra runs good, it's clean, and is nicer than anything else I myself can afford at the moment, so I'm happy with it.

My dad is behind me 100% when I talk about getting a project car after I get out of college, he even suggested that I do the B18C swap for NoTEC when I get out of school, he thinks it would be a great idea, he likes the Nissan 240SX and the little CRX's and Honda hatchbacks (The EG and EK), he thinks that it would be a blast fixing one of those up.

And you know, from the way he's dived into The Bird, I think it'd be fun to get ahold of one when I get out of Fox. Like the CRX Andy used to have, that was a 1.5L and guess what? The Honda Fit is a 1.5L that most of the high performance car companies have jumped on and are making loads of bolt-ons for. You could replace that old CRX with a new Fit motor, it would require some work changing it over, but it would run strong.

So I wait, I just sit here, if a good enough deal ever came along, I would jump on it, but there hasn't been anything jaw-dropping for quite a while.

But to continue on with my reflection, this summer has been long and has been hard and depressing and hot. I've missed Portland, but it was good I came back. Got to see Nick and Andy graduate, got to make a chunk of change, it just turned out to be a good summer I guess.

The end is going to move pretty quickly though, in 6 days I'm on a plane to Fresno to spend a week with Nick and Andy, and then I have another week and a half of work, and then I'm driving back for another grueling year at Fox (and I say grueling because you'll understand when you see my schedule).

However, for now, I'm gonna go dink around, watch tv, read maybe, who knows. Talk to you later.

The Great Abyss That Is My Future

So... the future is such an amazing thing. You can waste hours upon hours just dreaming about what it could be like, things you could do in it.

And what I want to do in it? P/R Performance (Standing simultaneously for "Paulin/Roaché Performance" and also "Personal Record Performance") The name is just a little something I've been working on for some time.

You know what? Even if it is never a business and just our little side project. Something for us to waste time on... that's enough for me.

But someday it'll happen dammit. Come Hell or high water.

I have a passion for those cars and it'll only grow. It'll happen, if I'm successful enough in other things, maybe I'll be able to support a small car shop too.

And with Andy and Nick ready to jump in as partners, I don't have a worry in the world that everything will work out fine.

4th of July

As I sit here, freshly unloaded from the trip back from Oregon, the fantastic dream that was this last weekend fades into the background and reality once again rears it's ugly head.

Tomorrow is the 4th of July, usually a happy holiday, but this year is very different. Throughout my childhood I remember laying out on my parents white flowered quilt watching as the massive explosions above kept me mesmerized and still for longer than my parents thought was ever possible by their seemingly possessed ADHD ingrained child. I remember my parents getting a bucket of chicken from KFC and watching my dad light up fireworks out in the street in front of our house on 20th Avenue. I remember the anticipation of the fireworks... how as soon as the fireworks stands started springing up you would try and spend as much money as you could amass and burn yourself a half-dozen times in the process.

As the years wore on our destructive capabilities, and wallets, grew. We no longer wanted sparklers and poppers, we wanted roman candles and firecrackers, bottlerockets and mortars.

My family, for the last near decade, has gone with the Maves to the fireworks display at CSI. But the Maves are gone. I used to run to Nick and Andy's Apartment and watch them light the mortars I helped them procure at Johnny's Country Store... But now they are gone too.

As I drove through the last several overpasses into Jerome I couldn't help shake the feeling that I was in the wrong place. I don't belong here.

I miss my friends in California. I miss my girlfriend and friends in Oregon. And I miss nothing about this place. This place, to me, is like my private getaway. Twin Falls is my hole-in-the-wall my little corner where no one can find me and I rule the world. I know it will always be here to fall back on if I need to, but I want to get out.

Happy 4th of July everyone. I have to work tomorrow, so I guess think of me when you see the fireworks explode, maybe I'll sit on the roof of my house and watch Jerome and Buhl and Twin's fireworks all at once. Or maybe I'll sit inside and just remember those days long passed where life was nearly perfect... at that beat up apartment with my best friends. The TV on but with the sound of Andy pounding on the keyboard clearly audible...

Andy and Nick... thank you. I can never repay you for how much you gave me. That beat up apartment was home to me. Everytime I go to Twin it still feels wrong not to drive straight to that apartment on Quincy... to know that neither of you guys are around and that I really am alone for once.

The Subject of a Trip...

9 hours later and I'm laying on my bunk in my brother's apartment, thinking about seeing the love of my life in 12 hours... I lay there and rememeber her, how beautiful she is.

My computer desk at home is cluttered with slips of paper, cards, frames of pictures... all to remind me of her.

I miss her. Sarah, I miss you.

I couldn't wait to see her, pick her up from work at lunchtime and talk to her in person for an hour instead of on the phone for once.

And then I got to spend the entire next day with her, walking with her, talking to her, holding her. It was perfect.

And now I'm getting ready to leave again, my last night here... and I miss that girl. Those deep, brown, stunning eyes. That equally brilliant easy smile that plays across her lips every time I glance at her... So many things that I can no longer live without.

And I may not see it again for a long time, but I have a good memory. And there's only two more months to go...