Thunder and lightning outside and in my head...

So... let's run through how fantastic life is shall we?

It's hot, I'm in the middle of a dairy and I'm miserable... all day.

I've been having to work on my sister's homework so she can pass her stinkin classes.

On one drive through Jerome, I get hit almost a dozen times... that's how bad driver's are here.

I don't have any friends here, Nick and Andy went back to California, Sarah is in Oregon, and Koda is in Limbo for all I know...

Oh well...

I know that I have emotional extremes... I'm either super happy or super depressed, and lately life has been nothing but depressing.

It's like a hardcore overcast day, but every once in a while the sun breaks through for a few moments. That is how my life feels.

You want to know how depressed I am? I don't have dreams anymore. When I sleep I just close my eyes and then I open them again, feeling as tired as I did what seemed like only a moment before. But I don't have dreams as in life goals anymore either... I had some a week ago and now whenever I think about them I realize that I am done with them.

I can't game because I don't have time, I get to play maybe an hour or two a day if I'm lucky.

A little less than a year ago I got to George Fox, I didn't know what to expect, I didn't have any friends at Fox, I knew Haskell a little bit and I'd talked to Bohl and James before but... I was so sure that I was going to live in misery. I promised Andy that I wouldn't change, I told Koda that I was already as socially advanced as I would ever need to be.

I did change. Though the changes were so slow progressing that I can't discern myself now from myself then (besides some topical obvious ones).

I went to Fox hopeless. Lost. I went to Fox because my brother went to Fox, that's as little thought that went into the choosing process for me. I was only concerned about getting out of Jerome and having enough success to return in triumph a few years down the road and smear their white trash redneck faces in it...

Funny how life turns out. How what seemed like my ultimate goal wasn't really a goal at all but a revenge for some wrong that they had done me over the years. But you can't hold grudges liek that, and you can't be so rash, or so violent. Everytime I see a problematic situation my mind instictively leaps to a physical way of solving the matter... but when was the last time I actually resorted to a physical method? Obviously long enough ago that I forgot how much it hurts or there's no way I would be even thinking about it...

I was so burned out on life when I got to Fox... so ready for anything new, just for something new.

I never had to give my life story, I've never had to share so many things... I've never been able to tell an unbiased story though either so it would have ended up being "Bradley the Magnificent: An Autobiography."

I'm sorry for whoever has to read this... it's long and without end, just like in real life, there is no resolution so you can sleep easier at night.

Most of this is just coming from a guy who is nearly cut off... if not for technology I might not even exist... from a guy who is away from his girlfriend and from his best friends.

He sits in front of his computer for a couple hours everyday dreaming of being with any one of the people he cares about, just thinking about what they are doing at that exact instant. He closes his eyes with thoughts of his loved ones, opens them with the same thoughts renewed, and spends his light hours in a neverending daydream of memory. Sometimes in dreams of the future, but they feel so empty to him...

I don't even know where I was going, thoughts in my head are pretty chaotic right now... sorry to burden anyone else.

Have a good night.