Is there a point where reality and fantasy cross? I believe so... at some point, it's the time between when you wake up and you open your eyes... for those few seconds, the world could potentially be anything you believe it to be.
I went to sleep at around 5:30 this morning... I am dead tired. But with being utterly exhausted comes this really great feeling of emotional distance. You feel like you aren't yourself, like you're watching yourself throughout your day. Able to persuade yourself to make decisions but a separate entity altogether.
How do I keep going like this? Easy. You can't stop. It's an impossible thing. To stop is to ultimately die. And I'm nowhere near ready to die.
How complicated life can be at 18 years of age. How much more so will it become, when you feel like you are overwhelmed, at your breaking point, all of sudden the burden seems to grow, in size weight and density.
Am I ready for any of the responsibility? How much do I think I can handle and how much can I actually take? Two entirely different amounts, my heart says to grab life and choke a torrent of joy from it's core, but the brain tells me to move cautiously... slowly... tries to uproot me with doubt and indecision.
But what is there to be indecisive about? I've made my choice already.
My blog started out with me... so angry, so mean, so crude... my first statement was to be devoid of this "sentimental crap." What have I become? Be honest... what do you see?
(Sidenote: Is it weird when other people can write your name better than you can? Even when you've been writing it for better than 15 years?)
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