Leap Day and Miserable Night

I no longer have the ability, or capacity rather, to pay attention or learn anything in class. I appear to pay attention, to listen to what they say and I am, I understand everything but comprehend nothing.

It makes classes miserable, I sit down in class, and fix an intense hawk-like stare at the minute hand on the clock, I hear every second tick.

I wait, for the class to end, unaware of anything that just happened, oblivious to homework or assignments, I just want to be out. I want to run. I'm a flighty person. Every day of my high school life I wanted to turn my car onto that freeway and drive, not caring about destination, just drive until I ran out of gas and money and that's where I would settle down.

The future is something that is impossible to plan for.

I'm down, melancholy...

Stuff in my life is different than how I want it, but I'm not brave enough... I lack the guts, courage, sand, whatever you want to call it, to rearrange it.
Because if I do even one thing wrong it blows up in my face... I'd almost rather leave it the way it is then what might happen, there's a million different ways it could end, but only 2 in my mind. And one of them would kill me (in a figurative sense).

So my life stays as it always has... a rowboat going over a waterfall. The rush is amazing though.

Maybe someday I'll wake up, feel refreshed and amazing, grab life by the throat with both hands and... everything will work out in the end.

Need to get ready for Comm now... Thanks for listening to me ramble, always helps to get my feelings out to some degree even if I've already shared the particular thought or feeling a hundred times before, it always helps.