Weak with Boredom

30 minutes to go... the slow drawl of the prof's voice is lulling me to sleep.

I just decided to write this really fast because I just had a rage episode for no reason. It's so retarded... What's the point of freaking out like that. It's ridiculous and childish the way whenever I pass another person when I'm walking to class I tense up and expect to get hit from behind...

Who thinks that like?! Honestly... I'm losing my mind. I've even started day dreaming in classes about getting into fights... Maybe its the lack of any sort of conflict lately, I haven't been a jerk needlessly (well, compared to my previous record) for so long. I've been trying to be a good person, but its hard for me. Maybe its hard for everyone, I don't know I haven't asked anyone.

I'm so different from the way I was on the outside, but I'm still the same as I was on the in. No matter what I let out of my mouth, the initial reaction, my instinctual reaction of pure asshole-ness is always right there at the back of my mind, ready to be spat out. But I hold it in. Advancement maybe, adaptation. I'm only truthful to a handful of people, incredibly so to fewer people.

People are starting to grate on my nerves, nearly everyone, I only enjoy hanging around with a handful of people, and with those people I could probably hang around with them for days on end without a complaint from me. But as I've said before, no matter how much you wish you could live in the moment forever, its not possible. Just one more way God spites me.

I'm bored, angry, tired, frustrated, but I'm happy at the end of the day. My evenings are always what redeems me from the depths of the hell in my mind. They give me hope, happiness, a renewed love for people around me.

And so... after 25 minutes of writing, erasing, rewriting, deleting, rewriting, and editing I managed to make it down to 5 minutes left of class. And pass by the hardest, slowest moving time of the class by talking to you. Thank you.